When I studied abroad in college, my cohort attended a lecture by a prominent journalist in Turkey. One student asked the speaker how her paper keeps “spin” out of their news stories. I remember how the journalist laughed, throwing her head back and looking at the ceiling (was this really a journalist or some struggling actress working on perfecting her villain-cackle?). When she spoke her thick sexy Turkish accent matched her dark wavy hair, perfectly tan skin, and tight power-red dress, “Everyone has spin. Spin is a tool, and it is my job to make sure ours is more profitable than anyone else’s.”
Well, I have news for you Mrs. Reporter lady, it is one thing to have poop on your hands because it is on everything (paper currency, hand rails, the inner crevices of the forks at your favorite restaurant). It is another thing to lather up with fecalotion and intentionally spread it about town.
That being said, I need a gift soon for a certain someone (cough – Mother’s Day – cough) who will remain unnamed, so please send me the brand name of your special poop hand cream and where I can pick it up before next weekend. Thanks.
This post was inspired by Tina Fey’s book Bossypants*, which is awesome and I highly recommend you read it too.
*Tina would like me to tell you that if you don’t like my writing, I don’t care if you don’t like it. I like it. That’s all. Enjoy!